numb

I want to shrink 

Into a thin line

Flesh colored and narrow

You’d have to squint to see me


Crumple me up like

A sheet of old notebook paper

Discard me in the bin

Or on the floor or out the window


I want to be empty

No organs or fat or brains

I want to be numb

And feel nothing at all

#fuckkavanaugh

What do we teach our nation’s children when we allow these predators and deniers and misogynists power?

How am I supposed to be proud to call myself an American?

I don’t feel free. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel valued.

My heart is in turmoil and I’m ashamed of my country. 

How can we raise strong women who believe in themselves when our own country, our government, our fellow citizens don’t believe us?

They use their platform and power to deny us our rights and our experiences and our safety and our personhood. 

If this is America, I no longer want to be form this place. 

My sisters and I have been forsaken and I am tired of trying and hoping and voting for change that has yet to come. 

tub thoughts

I sat in the tub

with the water too hot

just like Sylvia wrote

because I wanted to feel sad

and I played the music

the songs that made me

rock my head so slow

I thought of you

in crowded bars

with twinkly lights

sweaty smiling faces

and that jaunty look

your deep sea eyes get

when you tell a joke

you think is clever

and I laugh because

I think you’re cute

not because it’s funny

I think you’re smart

but I’m smart too

so I guess neither of us

is really that special

but I know we think we are

when we sit in rooms alone

our heads too big

at least they stay inflated

with creative notions

that will never come to life

back in the tub I sank lower

I even added bubbles

so I felt very fancy

not letting the mold get to me

with only my red wine as company

I floated my arms above my head

and made artful waves

I think in video cameras

and see a scene on my tv

if only I was on film

not here in this tiny room

I tore off the nails on my toes

ripping them jagged and short

and it felt good but wrong

with the water too hot

just like Sylvia wrote

because I wanted to feel sad

and I played the music

the songs that made me 

rock my head so slow

I thought of you 

in crowded bars

with twinkly lights

sweaty smiling faces

and that jaunty look

your deep sea eyes get

when you tell a joke

you think is clever

and I laugh because

I think you’re cute

not because it’s funny

I think you’re smart

but I’m smart too

so I guess neither of us 

is really that special

but I know we think we are

when we sit in rooms alone

our heads too big

at least they stay inflated

with creative notions

that will never come to life

back in the tub I sank lower

I even added bubbles 

so I felt very fancy

not letting the mold get to me

with only my red wine as company

I floated my arms above my head 

and made artful waves 

I think in video cameras

and see a scene on my tv

if only I was on film

not here in this tiny room

I tore off the nails on my toes

ripping them jagged and short

and it felt good but wrong

pink and green

Emily says I’m pink and green 

I am alligators and flamingos

Florida coursing through my veins

I tried to escape where I was from

But I cannot deny the place I called home

I am my grandmother’s daughter

Selfish and talkative and big brown eyes

And eyebrows that disappear in the sun 

She was too self assured for 1919

—st